Okay, so maybe you've had the experience postpartum of having to reorganize your breasts in your bra before leaving the house? I can't tell you how many times I have looked down and found one nipple to be totally off-center in relationship to the other one. It was one of those days. And so I reach in to reorganize and as my fingers hit my nipple and I had a moment of thinking
"Oh my god, what is that? Is that me? Is that my nipple?" In that moment, I physically did not know my own body. It was funny and also a bit unsettling.
Now a little over a year postpartum I can recognize all the ways my body still doesn't feel like my own. After a year of breastfeeding my breasts and nipples have changed shape dramatically and I know that that those days of small perky breasts are pretty much over for me. While I work out regularly and do yoga, my belly still holds fat and the rolls that magically appeared during my pregnancy in my back have yet to completely disappear. My stomach and breasts are a constellation of stretch marks and what is it with those whispy pieces of hair that have broken out from my mom-bun by each of my ears?
My body is a new landscape that I am still learning the terrain of. Many of these parts will continue to grow and shift over time but many of these parts are here to stay. New parts of me that are a constant reminder of everything my body did to house and birth and care for my little girl. I'm not going to lie, I am still learning to be friends with this new me. Some days, I love my body, I love its strength and other days I miss how my body used to be.
The funny thing, whether I had a kiddo or not, my body would be changing...maybe not as fast, but it would change. And the other funny thing? Once I finally get to know this new body, it will change again. Nothing is permanent and so the best thing I can do is keep trying to get to know myself moment to moment as I unfold and change and grow. And hopefully not totally freak out next time I bump into a part of myself that doesn't feel like me.
Wisdom and insight with a dash of humor to help guide you on your journey through motherhood.