Five things I'm doing for ME as a new mama

I found myself on my acupuncturist’s table for the first time today in nearly 3 months. My beautiful 4 month old daughter was passed out on the floor while I got a treatment and as soon as I hit the table, I found myself taking a deep breath and thinking “what took me so long.” As a yoga teacher, and advocate to all my mamas of self care postpartum, here I was ignoring my number one rule, “taking care of you is also taking care of baby.” My body needed this time to relax, to unplug and also to heal. I had been neglecting my needs, which was surprising to me, given that I am constantly inviting others to be tuned into their own.
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How did I get here?

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First and foremost, I am a recovering care-taker, its been something I’ve struggled with all my life. I care-take friends, I care-take family, I’ve even been known to care-take people who aren’t particularly nice to me. I’ve been putting the needs of others first (to a fault) for as long as I can remember. In recent years, I have worked really hard to overcome this, but it still creeps in from time to time and motherhood has been a big place that its shown up for me. Sound familiar to anyone?

Second, I can be a bit of a control freak and have a hard time letting other people do things for me if I think they won’t be done the way I would do it (which is obviously the best way right?). This also combines with my caretaker in the form of places like bedtime… “oh I can just put the baby down because she’ll go down quicker for me” (read between the lines, because I do it better). This lead me to having to always be the one engaged with baby and taking care of baby. It was a good lesson in learning to give up control!
 
Third, motherhood is a whole new set of boundaries I haven’t figured out yet. I don’t yet know how to navigate taking time for myself from this tiny little being I love and adore. I am still working on feeling guilty when I’m away from her and find myself missing her in those moments I don’t feel guilt. I remember going to a chiropractor appointment a week after she was born and calling my partner on the way home. When I heard the baby crying over the phone I balled my eyes out for the rest of the drive, because I felt like I had somehow failed my baby. Now granted, I was also a week postpartum and still on that super fun roller coaster ride of the hormonal shifts the first few weeks, but it was hard to know how to be this new me and still take care of myself.

As we’ve settled into a little more of a rhythm in our life, I am still finding taking that “me” time is really hard. I realized after getting up off the table at my acupuncturist’s office that I felt so much better. And in feeling so much better, I knew I would be that much better of a mama, I would have more energy to meet the challenges and more energy to welcome the joys.  

So with that in mind, here are some steps I’m taking going forward to continue to nurture myself as I continue to grow as a mama. Will you join me?

1. Working out without baby: I’ve been great about going on walks with baby, going on hikes with baby or attending postnatal yoga classes with baby. However, recently I went for a run without her and it felt so freeing. I could just let me mind wander, I could be completely focused on what I was doing and not worry about stopping in the middle to nurse, change a diaper or console. The big challenge was making the time, so starting small for me was key. It wasn’t a 1.25 hour yoga class or 1 hour at the gym. It was a 20 minute run or 15 minute online yoga video. Sliding in this time helped me carve out some me time, even it was small.
   
2. Human touch: oh how I would love a personal masseuse who came to my house once a month while baby slept so I could get a massage…but who’s got the time or money for that? I do however, plan to make more of a concerted effort to get to acupuncture, but I also realize that sometimes its just a matter of a taking my partner up on getting a foot massage or a shoulder massage. It doesn’t have to be professional to be relaxing and to help relieve tight sore muscles.
   
3. Unplugging to connect: I’ve noticed that as a new mama I find myself filling some of my down time with social media. Its hard when we feel isolated in our new situation, and social media can give us a sense of connection…guess what though? Its not real connection. My goal is to start taking social media breaks and if I find myself going to my phone to check FB, instead texting a friend or a family member to say hi and see how they are.
4. One evening a week is mine: as someone who is self-employed I make my own hours. As a new mama, those new hours are often in the evening when baby is asleep. Guess what I do most nights when my wife gets home from work? I work. One evening a week I am setting aside for myself to read, or take a bath, or watch a movie (or fall asleep doing any of those things). It may mean I get less done, but it means I’ve got a night off.
   
5. Prioritize date nights: I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed that since baby arrived my partner has taken a firm back seat. In the beginning, I didn’t have a choice. There was this tiny human who needed all my attention, partially because I was figuring everything all out myself. Now that we’re out of the woods of newborn land, I’m recommitting to my sweetie to make time for us. Date nights don’t have to mean getting a sitter and going out, but they do mean I’ll consciously setting aside time do things just the two of us, even if it’s a 10 minute foot massage before we both pass out on the couch. Our connection helps us both be better parents.

What I have to keep reminding myself is that taking time for me is not taking time away from my daughter. Its making me a better, happier, more grounded human which means the time that we do spend together, even if its marginally less time, I will be more present and available to be the very best mama I can. I hope you’ll share in this journey with me.