Over the course of the last several months I have had several students ask me if I'm pregnant. Being a yoga teacher, I'm often "on display" in front of students. I'm moving, sometimes wearing tight yoga clothes and my focus is on teaching not on what my body looks like. That being said I am NOT pregnant, I am two years postpartum and while it comes from a place of curiosity and interest I have several problems with this question. Here is my first issue (part 1 of 3):
First and foremost this rubs an issue for me that goes beyond my annoyance at the supposition that once you have one child you're automatically going to have another, and while that irritates me to no end, its the idea that women's fertility, whether they choose to get pregnant or not, is up for public discussion.
Whether we choose to get pregnant or not, is not up for public consumption. Our journeys to pregnancy are not anyone's stories to know but our own. Asking a question like this also ignores whatever journey I may already be on. You don't know if I have been trying to get pregnant, if I got pregnant and miscarried or if there is a medical reason why I can't get pregnant again even if I wanted to. These are all very personal things and the asking around pregnancy can be incredibly wounding for someone, even if they've been pregnant before (and don't get me started on asking folks who don't have kids this question).
All this to say, there is only one time to ask someone "are you pregnant?" and that is if you are care provider who is seeing a client where this question is necessary to working with them in order to keep them safe. And for everyone else, the answer is no. And I've got a few more reasons why, visit my second post on this discussion.
Wisdom and insight with a dash of humor to help guide you on your journey through motherhood.