As a prenatal and postnatal yoga teacher, I'm constantly surrounded by parents-to-be and new babies in my prenatal and mom and baby yoga classes. I love my job, I love supporting pregnant moms on the journey of pregnancy and I love meeting their babies and encouraging their continued growth once their babies are born.
I'm constantly being asked “if I have children,” “if I want to have children” and “when I'm having children.” I've been told I would be an amazing mother and that I must be the most prepared person ever to get pregnant.
But no one told me that trying to get pregnant is a heartbreak that you feel each month that you get your period. I wasn't prepared for how sad I would feel that first month that we tried and my period came. Even though there was a big part of me that knew the chances of getting pregnant on the first try were not that great, there was a part of me that believed that there was no other way possible. I was surprised at the sadness that I felt when it didn't take the first time.
I was surprised that I felt like a failure. I had all the blood work done, I had been religiously charting my cycle for six months and I felt that I knew my body inside and out. Now I know that even if all the stars align and the timing is perfect, a pregnancy won't always take. So it was so interesting to me when my period came, that I felt that I had somehow failed. That if only I had done things better, I would have gotten pregnant.
We had made plans, we had talked about the baby and I was ready. Even though it was only the first time, it felt as though I had lost all of those things. And I had no idea how hard it would be too then spend my days surrounded by pregnant mamas and babies. The first few days I felt such sadness, even resentment as to why these women were pregnant and I wasn't.
Since then I have made peace with myself peace with the situation and I still take great joy in being surrounded by pregnancy and new babies. I was surprised too that after it happened and talked to friends about this that they expressed similar things: the sadness over lost pregnancies, difficulty conceiving and the sadness that they felt being around other friends who were pregnant or who had children.
We don't talk about this. Why? It is an inherent part of pregnancy and conception. I wish that there had been more women in my life talking about this, and I hope that I can be one of those voices that lends itself to the journey of all others on this process.
Wisdom and insight with a dash of humor to help guide you on your journey through motherhood.